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Who to Tell?
Who to Tell?
Melissa L.
Published on 2023.06.11
Gender identity and/or sexuality is a deeply personal and sensitive topic. Deciding who to tell about your gender identity/sexuality can be challenging, especially in a world where the concept of gender and sexuality are often narrowly defined. It is important to remember that you do not owe anyone an explanation about your gender identity or sexuality, and it is up to you to determine who you want to share this information with. In this blog post, we will explore some tips on who to tell about your gender identity/sexuality.
Family and Friends
Family and friends are often the first people we turn to when we need support, and this can also be true when it comes to discussing gender identity and sexuality. However, it is important to remember that not everyone will be accepting or understanding. It may be helpful to first talk to those who you feel will be the most supportive and understanding. Having a support system can be crucial in helping you navigate your gender identity/sexuality and the challenges that may come with it.
Healthcare Providers
Healthcare providers can play a pivotal role in supporting individuals who are exploring their gender identity. If you are seeking a medical transition, it is important to find a healthcare provider who is knowledgeable about gender-affirming care. It may be helpful to do some research or ask for recommendations from others in the LGBTQ+ community. It is also important to remember that healthcare providers are bound by codes of confidentiality, so you can trust that your gender identity will be kept private.
Workplace
Deciding whether or not to disclose your gender identity and/or sexualtiy in the workplace can be a difficult decision. It is important to consider the culture of your workplace and whether or not it is safe to disclose. If you do decide to disclose, it may be helpful to speak with HR or a supervisor first to ensure that there are policies in place to support you. It is also important to remember that discrimination based on gender identity or sexuality is illegal, so be sure to know your rights.
Deciding who to tell about your gender identity/sexuality is a personal decision that can be challenging. It is important to remember that you do not owe anyone an explanation about your gender identity/sexuality, and it is up to you to determine who you want to share this information with. Family and friends, healthcare providers, and the workplace are all places where you may choose to disclose your gender identity/sexuality. Remember to prioritize your safety and well-being, and seek out support when you need it.
Works Cited
“Coming Out as Transgender.” Human Rights Campaign, http://www.hrc.org/resources/coming-out-as-transgender.
“Coming Out.” National Center for Transgender Equality, http://transequality.org/issues/resources/coming-out.
How to Tell?
How to Tell?
Jessica L.
Published on 2024.01.07
Coming out is a difficult process for many and it is completely normal. Many worry about how their loved ones will react and how it will affect their relationships in the future. Here are some tips to help with coming out that may make the process easier:
Tell People You Are Close to and Can Trust
Telling people you can trust first is a good first step if you want to come out. This is important because telling those you are close to means that they are more likely to support you. Some worry about reactions from their loved ones which is understandable but when you come out, remember to state that you will be just the way you were and nothing will change in terms of the relationship between you and the selected individual. It can also help you keep this information a secret within a certain group or people as you can still be uncomfortable with opening up to more people outside to the immediate group or person.1
Remember to Expect Criticism When Opening Up
Whenever you decide on opening up about your sexuality, you will most likely encounter those who express discomfort towards your transition and discovery. There are also some that will definitely be shocked when you tell them. They may simply need the time to accept it and even if they do express disapproval, they may come to accept it in the future. It is important to be patient as others process this information faster than others.2
Coming Out is not a Necessity
Some people choose not to come out about their sexuality or identity but will rather keep it a secret. Although it can be really relieving in certain ways, some may still not feel comfortable about coming out. This may be because others will treat them differently and want their relationships to stay the same, not sure about whether or not it is a phase, or more. There are also some who are not sure if what they are feeling is just a phase or if they are confused about their feelings. It is important to remember that you are not obligated to come out if you are not comfortable with doing so.3
Overall, these are some tips one can use when coming out. Remember that this is a delicate process and you shouldn’t rush any process of it whether it is figuring out who you want to tell or waiting for someone to accept and process the information. Coming out is a process that many struggle with so if you are struggling, keep in mind that multiple people are also going through the same thing. To those whose loved one came out to, it is important to accept and provide support and reassurance that you still see them as who they were before. Coming out isn’t easy and it is not supposed to be. However, using tips can make the process easier and help you figure out what you want to do.
Works Cited
Guardian News and Media. (2016, May 14). 10 tips on how to come out as LGBT to family and friends. The Guardian. Retrieved May 1, 2023, from https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/may/14/10-tips-how-come-out-lgbt-family-friends-gay-lesbian.
When to Tell: Navigating Coming Out in the LGBTQ+ Community
When to Tell: Navigating Coming Out in the LGBTQ+ Community
Melissa L.
Published on TBD
Coming out is a deeply personal and often complex process for LGBTQ+ individuals. Deciding when, how, and to whom to disclose one’s sexual orientation or gender identity can be both empowering and daunting. While some people feel ready to share their identity early on, others may take years before feeling comfortable doing so. There is no universal timeline, instead what matters most is personal readiness, safety, and emotional preparedness. Coming out can lead to greater self-acceptance and stronger relationships, but it also requires careful consideration of potential risks, especially in unsupportive environments.
Before coming out, it’s important to assess your own feelings and circumstances. Ask yourself whether you feel secure in your identity and prepared for different reactions, including acceptance, confusion, or even rejection. Emotional readiness is key. If you’re still exploring your identity or feel pressured to come out before you’re ready, it’s okay to wait. Additionally, evaluate your physical and financial safety. If you depend on your family for housing or financial support and suspect they may react negatively, it may be wise to delay coming out until you have more independence. Researching local LGBTQ+ resources, such as support groups or crisis hotlines, can also help you prepare for the conversation.
Choosing whom to tell first is another crucial step. Many people begin by confiding in a close friend, a supportive family member, or a trusted mentor who they believe will respond with kindness. Starting with a smaller, safer audience can build confidence for future conversations. Some individuals prefer to come out in writing, through a letter, text, or social media post to organize their thoughts and reduce face-to-face pressure. However, others find that an in-person conversation allows for more emotional connection. No matter the method, setting boundaries is important. You don’t owe anyone your story before you’re ready, and it’s okay to take the process at your own pace.
Despite the potential challenges, coming out can be a liberating experience. Living authentically often leads to stronger self-esteem and deeper relationships with those who truly accept you. However, if the risks outweigh the benefits, such as in hostile living situations, workplaces, or communities, it’s completely valid to prioritize your safety and wait. Remember, coming out is not a one-time event but an ongoing process that unfolds differently for everyone. Whether you choose to share your identity widely or keep it private with a select few, what matters most is doing what feels right for you.
Works Cited
GLAAD. Coming Out as LGBTQ. 2023, www.glaad.org/comingout.
Human Rights Campaign. Resource Guide to Coming Out. 2022, www.hrc.org/resources/coming-out.
The Trevor Project. Guide to Coming Out. 2023, www.thetrevorproject.org/guide/coming-out.
PFLAG. Be Yourself: Questions for LGBTQ+ People Considering Coming Out. 2021, www.pflag.org/comingout.
When It’s Unsafe to Come Out: Protecting Yourself While Staying True to You
When It’s Unsafe to Come Out: Protecting Yourself While Staying True to You
Melissa L.
Published on 2025.08.15
The decision to come out is often portrayed as a universal rite of passage for LGBTQ+ individuals, but the reality is far more complex. For many, openly expressing their authentic self could mean risking physical safety, housing security, familial relationships, or even legal consequences. In these situations, choosing not to come out isn't an act of denial or shame, it's an act of survival. The LGBTQ+ community has a long history of developing discreet ways to exist and find connection in hostile environments, from secret symbols and coded language to underground networks of support. Your journey toward living authentically doesn't have to follow someone else's timeline or expectations.
Assessing Your Personal Risk Factors
Before considering whether to come out, it's crucial to conduct a clear-eyed assessment of your circumstances. Start by evaluating the attitudes of those around you. Have family members or coworkers expressed openly hostile views toward LGBTQ+ people? Are there legal repercussions in your area for being openly queer or trans? Your financial dependence is another critical factor; if you rely on others for housing, education, or basic needs, the potential consequences of coming out become even more serious. Some individuals find it helpful to create a "safety map" of their environment, identifying which spaces might be safer for self-expression than others. Remember that threats can come from unexpected places, even if your immediate family seems accepting, extended family, neighbours, or community leaders might pose risks.
Building a Support System Discreetly
Just because you can't be out publicly doesn't mean you have to face this alone. The digital age has created unprecedented opportunities for covert connection. LGBTQ+ forums, anonymous social media accounts, and virtual support groups allow you to engage with the community while maintaining privacy in your offline life. When seeking in-person connections, look for subtle cues such as a rainbow pin on a backpack, a particular way someone phrases things that might indicate a safe person. Many urban areas have underground LGBTQ+ networks that operate discreetly to protect members. These small connections can be lifelines that help you maintain your sense of self while waiting for safer circumstances.
Alternative Ways to Express Your Identity
Living closeted doesn't have to mean completely hiding who you are. Many find creative ways to honor their identity in private or through subtle expressions. This might include keeping a private journal using your chosen name, creating art that reflects your true self, or developing an inner mantra that affirms your identity. Some people establish "safe zones", perhaps a drawer with affirming items, a password-protected digital space, or a friend's apartment where they can be themselves temporarily. For those exploring gender identity, small acts like wearing gender-affirming undergarments or practicing voice training in private can provide crucial moments of authenticity. These practices aren't about hiding, instead they're about claiming space for your truth in whatever ways are currently possible.
Prioritizing Mental and Emotional Wellbeing
The psychological toll of concealing your identity can be significant, making self-care essential. Develop coping strategies that work for your situation, whether it's meditation, creative expression, or physical exercise. If professional counseling isn't accessible, look for free or low-cost telehealth options that prioritize confidentiality. Some find strength in learning about LGBTQ+ history and recognizing that their experience is part of a larger story of resilience. Practice self-compassion as it's normal to feel frustration, grief, or anger about your situation. These emotions don't mean you're failing; they mean you're human. Consider developing a "future self" practice, where you write letters to or visualize the life of the person you're working toward becoming.
Works Cited
Human Rights Campaign. Navigating Unsafe Environments as an LGBTQ+ Individual. 2022, www.hrc.org/resources/navigating-unsafe-spaces.
The Trevor Project. Guide to Coming Out Safely. 2023, www.thetrevorproject.org/guide/coming-out.
Trans Lifeline. Safety Planning for Trans and Gender Nonconforming Individuals. 2023, www.translifeline.org/safety-planning.
PFLAG. When Coming Out Isn't Safe: Alternative Approaches. 2021, www.pflag.org/resource/coming-out-safety.
GLAAD. Media Reference Guide - LGBTQ Terms. 2023, www.glaad.org/reference/terms.
National Center for Transgender Equality. Know Your Rights. 2022, www.transequality.org/know-your-rights.
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